Monday, May 25, 2015

My return-to-youth thing really just happened out of boredom.  My whole life has been that way, you know, like the old “Dead” song:  “Get tired of traveling you want to settle down...get settled you want to travel….”  Life has been that way for me, I use to run in the mornings four times a week, when I got tired of that, I started hanging in bars doing coke, got tired of that, went back to running.  Got married, got tired, got a divorce, fell in love, got married, etc..

I’m presently on a health kick.  I’ve quite smoking and started riding a bike, and of course, daily meditations with a little yoga.  I have also worked on my mind with books on aging. 

Is it working?  Well, today for the first time in thirty years I have a zit on my face.  Yes, a prom-ruining zit.  Only, unlike when I was in high school and had to sneak through the drug store for Zit Cream (and a copy of National Lampoon for the breast shots), I am not covering this zit up.  I’m letting it hang out there.  Look at me world:  I have a nice, big, juicy, youthful, Zit!!!!

Here’s the video:



Tuesday, May 12, 2015

The Dog I Gave Away


So I got a dog several months ago; he was exactly what I wanted too.  I mean, I had never had a better match with another living thing since I dated that liberal college professor from Austin -- only this dog never barked.  So what was the problem?  Well, for the first time in my life, I was allergic to something other than Texas air and an unknown bird feather I’ve only had the pleasure of sleeping on once with this otherwise, bad-ass one night stand — I’m certain the ‘one night’ had to do with her rushing me to the hospital to see why I was struggling for air.  She thought it was something I was on.

Anyway, I tried every allergy medicine out there to keep my eyes from itching from dog hairs: Claritin, Zyrtec, and nose sprays, and the only thing that worked was antihistamine.  Which meant I was always seconds away from sleep.  The universe had spoken:  this dog is not for you, and being the enlightened couch potato I am, I knew enough from watching Gaiamtv that by holding onto bad love I was cheating both-of-us out of finding truth love.  And so, I put the word out that I was giving up my dog for adoption.   After a few friends showed interest I realized giving him to a friend would be like dating a friends ex, which even I was above, and so I went to the SPCA.  Well, I’m not sure what goes on behind those doors at the SPCA shelter, but after they interviewed the dog and me and and took the dog behind the big walls, it was only seconds later they came back around and said they couldn’t take my dog.  "Really," I said.   "Yes, he tried to bite our representative...that’s aggressive behavior, you’ll have to take him somewhere else.”

I don't know what they did to him back there, but figured I couldn't trust them if he didn't.  So I took him home and decided I could live with a few hours of alertness and itch eyes and keep the dog.  Well, I couldn't.  And after getting a few weeks behind in work from sleeping fifteen hours a day, I did the Craigslist thing.  And well, it worked.

Which brings me to why I am bogging about this: I'm certain the dog knew what was happening before it happened.  I mean, on the day the mother and her seven-year old son were to come and meet the dog, I noticed he was actually more attentive and excited than usual. 

And so we met the new owners in a parking lot and my dog ran up to the kid and never looked back.  What is really weird is he was never that open to kids.  Actually, he always seemed weary of kids and ran the other way.  But, with this kid it was like he knew this was the place he needed to be.  No aggression, no bites, and really only a few tail wags my way to let me know, 'we were good.'

Yes, it’s been a few days and everyone is happy.  Especially my eyes. 

Crazy.